"Wanna go on a road trip in the desert?" "Sure, wanna take my motorhome? We call it 'The Warrior.'" "Yes."
Day 1 of our trip was driving from Larkspur, Colo., to Great Sand Dunes National Park, where we woke up to clouds, ruining any sort of photos. There are two deer in the left foreground here, if that gives you any sense to how high those dunes are.
That's just the steam coming from a tourist train up the valley below Mick, near the New Mexico-Colorado border. I'm not sure if it's good for the environment.
Check out this great informational sign about Cumbres Pass!
Farmington, N.M.: Apparently, Jesus lives in the hotel behind the adult video store and watches people buy porn?
Four Corners: Mick does a headstand in four states.
Near Bluff, Utah: Business has been better at the old trading post.
North of Monument Valley, Utah: My co-pilot and navigator.
Looking south into Monument Valley, which looks like a bunch of rocks a kid drew.
Monument Valley: I rolled over in my sleeping bag and opened my eyes to this in the morning.
Monument Valley: Best campsite ever.
I feel like this is some of my best work as an amateur photographer ...
I mean, I really don't know anyone who could capture the essence of the side of a CruiseAmerica RV better than this.
Navajo Bridge, Arizona.
Navajo Bridge. Don't throw anything off, you little shits. I know you heard me.
North Rim, Grand Canyon National Park.
North Rim: Note the forest fire smoke 100 miles away, above Mick's ass and to the right.
This was pretty much the big objective of the whole trip: Climbing Mount Hayden. It looks like a piece in a museum from the overlook at Point Imperial.
7:45 a.m., our adventure begins.
First directions on the approach to Mount Hayden: "Jump the fence."
Of course, after that, it got way worse: Steep slope, no trail, deadfall from a forest fire 6 years ago, and thick stands of thorny New Mexico locust trees. I wore double-front Carhartts, gloves, my helmet and sunglasses, and still managed to get hacked up and poked. At the point I took this photo, I had just done the worst climbing approach of my entire life. Only thing missing was a little kid kicking me in the balls every 10 steps.
And then, let the climbing begin. Had I stayed on route, this might have been a pretty easy climb, at 5.8. But, alas. Turned out to be pretty epic, and mentally exhausting. We were climbing the back side of the rock, which is invisible from Point Imperial, and after making a 2-hour bushwhack approach, I realized how bad a place it would have been for me to fall and get any sort of injury. Hey Mick, having fun?
I was so nervous, I took two photos of the whole climb. Here's Mick about to make the last move onto the summit, at the end of the fourth pitch. Not a bad place to have a seat and kick your shoes off.
That's the whole summit, no bigger than your living room, or my apartment.
Halfway to the car, fellas.
Mick signs the summit register.
After three double-rope rappels, during which we got the ropes stuck approximately 8 times, I wanted to sit down at the base of the climb and weep. But, it was starting to get dark, so we started hiking out as fast as we could.
One hour and fifteen minutes left to hike back up to the car, 20 minutes of sunlight left. I thought I was pretty much out of adrenaline at this point, but sure enough, as soon as I started yarding my way up the fixed line up the gully about an hour from the parking lot, I heard a bowling-ball size rock come careening down and ducked as it bounced and rolled right over the top of my head. Then, I thought I was really out of adrenaline.
11 1/2 hours after we started, I was out of adrenaline. But not B.O.! Mick did a nice job of making this shot come out.
Jacob Lake Fire Tower, Arizona: Mick's up there on the first set of steps.
Colorado City, Arizona: We actually spent a few minutes hanging out in the polygamist religious fundamentalist community of Colorado City. All I noticed was that the houses were huge (you got 3 wives and 10 kids, you need a lot of rooms) and all the women in the town seemed to be wearing the same dress and the same hairstyle.
Echo Canyon, Zion National Park.
Observation Point trail, Zion.
Observation Point. Photo by Mick.
Echo Canyon -- that's Mick at the bottom of the photo.
Down by the Virgin River in Zion.
Time for the Angel's Landing trail!
Mick, about to start the dangerous part.
This is a photo I took of a lady taking a photo of me taking a photo of her ...
View from the top.
So, on the narrow part of the trail, there's this gully filled with bushes, and apparently people think that's a pretty good spot to throw their water bottles. I decided to do my good deed for the day and climb down there and pick up some trash. I stuffed my jacket with 10 old water bottles, and then ... I yelled up to Mick: "There's a pair of underwear down here." Silence. "Let me tell you what I think happened." In the underwear-tosser's defense, it is a pretty scary experience your first time. I didn't pick them up.
Angels Landing trail.
Starting the long journey home. This place was in Hatch, Utah, kind of in the middle of nowhere.
Capitol Reef National Park.
Cohab Canyon, Capitol Reef Naitonal Park.
I took this to mean that us vegetarian freaks of nature are special. I'm not sure that's what the guy meant.
Back in Colorado: Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park. Cold.
Every time you put a new album up I am convinced the sole purpose of it is to make me jealous. And every time your intended goal is achieved.
Yes, I remember the first time I stumbled upon a pair of soiled mens underwear… the circumstances were a bit different though.
I am going to ask my mother to find a photo of me at the age of 7 because you wouldn’t believe how much the kid on the left in the Cruise America photo looks like me.